GENERAL JOKES
A man placed
some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother
and
>>started back toward his car when his attention
was diverted to another man
>>kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying
with profound intensity
>>and kept repeating, "Why did you have to
die? Why did you have to die?"
>>The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere
with
>>your private grief, but this demonstration of
pain is more than I've ever
>>seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A
child? A parent?"
>>The mourner took a moment to collect himself,
then replied, "My wife's
>>first husband."
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A
man was walking along a California beach and was in
> > > > deep prayer to the Lord. He said,
"Lord, you have promised to
give
> > > > me the desires of my heart. That's
what I am asking you for
right
> now.
> > > > Please give me confirmation that you
will grant my wish."
Suddenly the
> > > > sky clouded up over his head and the
Lord
> > > > in a booming voice spoke to him.
"I have searched your heart
and
> > > > determined it to be pure. Because you
have been faithful to me
in all
> > > > ways, I will grant you one wish you
ask for." The man sat and
thought
> > > > about it for a while and said,
> > > > "I've always wanted to go to
Hawaii, but I'm deadly afraid of
> > > > flying and I get very seasick on
boats. Could you build a
bridge to
> > > > Hawaii, so I can drive over there to
visit whenever I want?"
The Lord
> > > > laughed and said, "That's
ridiculous! Think
> > > > of the logistics of that! How would
the supports ever reach
the
> > > > bottom of the Pacific? Think of how
much concrete...how much
steel!!!
> > > > Your request is very materialistic,
and a little disappointing.
I
> could
> > > > do it, but it's hard for me to
justify you craving for worldly
> things.
> > > > Take a little more time and think of
another wish, a wish you
think
> > > > would honor and glorify Me as
well."
> > > > The man thought about it for a long
while and tried
> > > > to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "Here's the
deal,
> > > > Lord. I've been married and divorced
four times. My wives
always
> > > > said that I don't care and that I'm
insensitive. So I wish
that I
> > > > could understand women .. I want to
know how they feel inside
and what
> > > > they're thinking when they give me
the silent treatment ... I
want to
> > > > know why they're crying ... I want to
know what they really
mean when
> > > > they say 'nothing' ... I want to know
how to make them truly
happy ...
> > > > That's the wish that I want, Lord.
> > > >
> > > > After a few minutes, God said,
"You want two lanes or four on
that
> > > > bridge?"
***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************
A
panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the
sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter. As the
panda stands
up to
go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going?
You just shot my
waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The Panda yells back to the bartender, "Hey man, I'm
a PANDA! Look it
up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following
definition
for
"panda: A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin,
characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and
leaves."
***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************
Should
women have children after 35? No, 35 children are
morethan enough
>
>
>A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
began, you've been brought
>here for drinking.. Great, the drunk exclaimed.
>When do we get started?
>
>
>Can you do anything that other people can't?
>Sure, I can read my handwriting..
>
>
>Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are
staying married just to
>be different..
>
>
>When a wife was asked: What book do you like the
best?
>She answers: My husband's cheque book..
>
>Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no
oneelse?
>Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
yesterday.
>
>
>Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
>Customer: What other colors do you have? -
>
>
>my father is so old that when he was in school,
>history was called current affairs.
>
>
>Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and stopped him,
>what virtue would I be Showing?
>Student: Brotherly love.
>
>
>Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers
before eating?
>Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
>
>Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't
need much help.
>Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the
right person in this
>case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
>
>Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not
much dad, Just a radio
>with a sports car around it.
>
>Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My
Dog" is exactly the same as your
>brother's. Did u copy his?
>Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
>
>Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the
manager!
>Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
>
>Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
>Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
>
>Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
>Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
>
>Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
>Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within
three days, you can keep
>it.
>
>Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to
teach you anything!
>Son: That's why I say she's no good!
***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************
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