LALOO JOKES

> Laloo is convicted in the fodder case and the courts decide that all his property belongs to the state. He is left with nothing and is
> > >going around looking for a job. Eureka Forbes (the
> > vacuum cleaner company) gives him a job as a vacuum cleaner salesman. Laloo decides to do well on his first day
itself. He goes to the first house in his territory. He knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, Laloo
runs inside and dumps gobar (cow dung) all over the floor and the sofa.
He says, "Lady, if vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that gobar right now, I'll eat every chunk of it." She replies, "You want salt and pepper on that? We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

> > > > > **********************> > > > >

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz
Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamor for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make the
announcement." is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on
Kashmir, with no strings attached. The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50
years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamors. "Sab AKAI waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Who
kehte hain na, TV loge to fridge doonga, video khareedein to
cellphone free... to hum bhi Nawazbhai se kehe diye: "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free
milega, bas!"

> > > > > ********************<<<<<<<

> > > > > Extract of Laloo Prasad thanks giving speech
> > in English to all his
> > > > > guests at the conclusion of his daughters
> > wedding festivities: "I
> > >THANK
> > > > YOU
> > > > > ALL FOR COMING FROM BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND
> > ALSO FROM MY WIFE'S
> > >BOTTOM".

>>>>>>>>>********************* <<<<<<<<<

> > > > > Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As
> there
> > was huge rush the
> > > > > security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for
> > which Laloo replied
> > >"65Kgs"
> > > > and
> > > > > moved on...
> > > > >

>>>>>************************<<<<<

> > > > > Once Laloo wanted to know the time
> difference
> > between Bihar and Las
> > > > > Vegas. So he called up the Tourist
> department
> > and asked them "Ji.Could
> > >you
> > > > > tell me the time difference between Patna
> and
> > Las Begas..."The man at
> > >the
> > > > > other end replies "One second sir..." and
> > Laloo immediately replies
> > >"thank
> > > > > you"
> > > > > and puts the phone down.

>>>>>>> ********************<<<<<<<

> > > > > Laloo's family planning policy: "DONT HAVE
> > MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN
> > > > > ONE YEAR"
> > > > > *************************
> > > > >
> > > > > At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's
> left
> > tells the bartender,
> > > > > "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." And the man's
> > companion says, "JACK
> > >DANIELS,
> > > > > SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and
> > asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
> > >Laloo
> > > > > replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

>>>>>>> **************************<<<<<<<

> > > > > After having resigned as the CM of Bihar,
> > Laloo decides to go
> > > > > modeling. Once he enters the herd of
> buffaloes
> > and resting his elbows
> > >on
> > > > the
> > > > > back of the cattle he poses for the photo.
> > Next day the photo appears
> > > > front
> > > > > page of a newspaper. Guess the caption!!
> > 'Laloo, third from left!'

>>>>>>>> *****************************<<<<<<<<

> > > > > Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese
> > Delegation for Business
> > > > > Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary
> > was quite impressed with
> > > > > Bihar and he stated, 'Bihar is an excellent
> > state. Give us three years
> > >and
> > > > > we will turn it into an economic superpower
> > like Japan.' Laloo was
> > >very
> > > > > surprised. 'You Japanese are very inepicient
> > (inefficient),' he
> > >stated.
> > > > > 'Give me three days and I will turn Japan
> > into the next Bihar!'

>>>>>>>>******************************<<<<<<<<

> > > > > A reporter asked Laloo "What the main reason
> > for divorce?" Laloo
> > > > > replies, "Marriage".

>>>>>>> ***************************<<<<<<<

> > > > > When Laloo completed 25 years of his rule
> over
> > Bihar, he wanted a
> > > > > special postage stamp with his picture on
> it.
> > He asked Rabri,
> > >stressing
> > > > that
> > > > > it should be world class. The stamps were
> > released, and Laloo was
> > > > > pleased.
> > > > >
> > > > > But within a couple of days, he began
> hearing
> > complaints that the
> > > > > stamp was not sticking properly, and became
> > furious. He called Rabri
> > >and
> > > > > ordered her to investigate the matter. Rabri
> > checked out at several
> > >post
> > > > > offices,
> > > > > and then reported to Laloo Prasad: She said:
> > "The stamp is really
> > >world
> > > > > class.
> > > > >
> > > > > The problem is, our Biharis are spitting on
> > the wrong side."

>>>>>>> ******************<<<<<<<<

> > > > > After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been
> > working on for quite
> > > > > Sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the
> finished
> > puzzle to a friend. "It
> > > > took
> > > > > me
> > > > > only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags. "Five
> > months? That's too long."
> > >the
> > > > > friend exclaims. "You are a fool," Laloo
> > replies. "Read the box, It
> > >says
> > > > 5-7
> > > > > years."

>>>>>>>>****************<<<<<<<

> > > > > Bill Clinton decided to teach Laloo English,
> > so he invited him over
> > > > > to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur.
> > Bill announces to the
> > >Nation
> > > > that
> > > > > they should not be disturbed during the
> > tuition. Inside The White
> > >house,
> > > > > they are locked up in a room, and Bill
> starts
> > teaching Laloo
> > >English.Days
> > > > > pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no
> > sign of them coming out.
> > >The
> > > > > whole
> > > > > country and the economy have come to a
> > standstill, and press
> > > > > reporters from all over the world are
> waiting
> > outside eagerly to find
> > >the
> > > > > outcome.
> > > > > At last one day, the door opens, and out
> comes
> > Laloo beaming his
> > > > > pleasant white smile, looking cool and
> > unruffled. However, Bill looks
> > > > > totally
> > > > > dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is
> > completely ruffled, and he
> > >has
> > > > > scratch marks all over his face. The shocked
> > reporters ask Bill, "What
> > > > > happened Mr. President?" Bill replies, "Ee
> > babua hamar kuchh bhi naahi
> > > > sunta
> > > > > hai!"

>>>>>>>> *****************<<<<<<<

> > > > > Anybody wants to know what Miss Yadav,
> Laloo's
> > daughter wrote for her
> > > > > Medical Entrance Exam?
> > > > >
> > > > > ANTIBODY - against everyone
> > > > > ARTERY - the study of fine paintings
> > > > > BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria
> > > > > BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
> > > > > BOWEL - letters like a, e, i, o, u
> > > > > CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
> > > > > CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker
> playing
> > > > > CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty
> > > > > CHRONIC - neck of a crow
> > > > > COMA - punctuation mark
> > > > > CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse
> > > > > CYST - short for sister
> > > > > DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose
> > > > > DILATE - the late British princess Diana
> > > > > DISLOCATION - in this place
> > > > > DUODENUM - couple in jeans
> > > > > ENEMA - not a friend
> > > > > FALSE LABOR - pretending to work
> > > > > GENES - blue denim
> > > > > GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile
> > > > > HERNIA - she is close by
> > > > > HYMEN - greeting to several males
> > > > > IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known
> > > > > LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
> > > > > LACTOSE - person without toes
> > > > > LYMPH - walk unsteadily
> > > > > MENOPAUSE - I no wait
> > > > > MICROBES - small dressing gowns
> > > > > OBESITY - city of Obe
> > > > > PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
> > > > > PULSE - grain
> > > > > PUS - small cat
> > > > > RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
> > > > > RUPTURE - ecstasy
> > > > > SECRETION - hiding anything
> > > > > SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough
> > > > > SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want"
> > > > > TABLET - small table
> > > > > TUMOR - extra pair
> > > > > ULTRASOUND - radical noise
> > > > > URINE - opposite of you're out
> > > > > VARICOSE - very close
> > > > > VAS DEFERENS - extremely different
> > > > > VEIN - at what time?
> > > > > VITREOUS HUMOR - both witty & funny

***********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************